1 00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:07,275 [ whistling sprightly tune ] 2 00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:12,613 Starring andy griffith... 3 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:15,049 With ronny howard. 4 00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:18,086 Also starring don knotts. 5 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,168 Thanks for the lift, barney. 6 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:35,836 Oh, you're welcome, Thelma lou. 7 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,671 Let's see if I have My market list. 8 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:38,672 Oh, yes, here it is. 9 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,841 Okay, I'll see you tonight About 7:30, okay? 10 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,543 Okay, barney. 11 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,414 Don't do that. 12 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,815 Why? What's wrong? 13 00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:48,816 Well... 14 00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,551 Folks know about You and me. 15 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,686 Well, yeah, but you Just don't come out 16 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,422 And kiss a deputy On the jaw 17 00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:55,656 Right out on the street. 18 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,625 Oh, barney, why not? 19 00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,227 Well, because. 20 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,494 I'm sorry. 21 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:01,695 That's all right. 22 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,731 It's just that in My position, why -- 23 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,868 Excuse me, thelma lou. 24 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,205 I got to take care of a Little parking violation. 25 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:12,473 I'll see you later. 26 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:13,507 Bye. 27 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,710 I'm sorry, miss. 28 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,779 This is a restricted Parking area. 29 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,648 Oh, I'm sorry... 30 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:21,849 Officer. 31 00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:22,850 I'm new in town 32 00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,819 And I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong. 33 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:26,820 Well, uh... 34 00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,156 I wanted Some directions 35 00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,691 And I thought Maybe you'd help... Officer. 36 00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:32,393 Certainly, ma'am. 37 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,595 Well, I was just trying 38 00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:36,397 To find my way To the post office. 39 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,234 Uh, uh, post office? 40 00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:41,402 Uh-huh. 41 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,604 Well, the post office is, uh... 42 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:46,140 Why don't you Just get in your car 43 00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:49,377 And I'll get in my car, And then you follow me 44 00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:51,279 And I'll take you there. 45 00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,547 Why, thank you. 46 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,483 You just step Right in here 47 00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,585 And I'll open The door for you. 48 00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,487 Get right in The seat there. 49 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,688 Thank you. 50 00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:15,869 [ siren blares ] 51 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:05,619 You should've seen him-- 52 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,689 Acting like he was leading Her down the oregon trail. 53 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:11,225 Well, I expect He was just trying to help. 54 00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:13,227 [ door opens ] 55 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,299 Oh, hi, thelma lou. 56 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,567 Hi, chief. 57 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,634 Barn. 58 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:21,935 Did you get All your shopping done? 59 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:22,970 Yes. Did you? 60 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:23,971 Huh? 61 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,306 Who's the girl? 62 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:26,440 What girl? 63 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,443 The one who got the police Escort to the post office. 64 00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:30,478 Oh, her. 65 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,945 Yes, her. Who is she? 66 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,315 Well, her name's Melissa stevens. 67 00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,517 She just moved here With her daddy 68 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,886 And they're renting The old pearson place 69 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,321 Out on post road 70 00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:41,989 Till they find Where they want to settle. 71 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,524 Her daddy's name's george. 72 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,393 He owned a cotton mill Down in savannah. 73 00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:46,727 Had some shipping Interests, too. 74 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,429 Made his bundle. He's retired now. 75 00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:49,630 He's a widower. 76 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,799 His wife died four years ago Last october 77 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,535 And melissa's been Taking care of him ever since. 78 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,470 That's why she's Never married, see. 79 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:57,838 She's an educated girl, too. 80 00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,808 She went to junior college Down there, two years. 81 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,576 Real nice girl, thelma lou. 82 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,445 You oughta get to know her. 83 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:05,846 You'd like her a lot. 84 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,581 She's a... What's the matter? 85 00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,350 You get all This information 86 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:11,685 Just showing her the way To the post office? 87 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,921 Well, no. I didn't Just show her the way. 88 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,856 Naturally, I escorted her inside. 89 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,558 Oh, naturally. 90 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,760 Well, my gosh, thelma lou, What did you expect? 91 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,562 You just Can't point and run. 92 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,763 She's new here. 93 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,365 Being an officer 94 00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,300 It's practically my duty To show her around. 95 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,535 Right, andy? 96 00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:28,769 Oh. Yeah, yeah. 97 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,338 What did you Have to show her 98 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,739 That she couldn't Find herself? 99 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,774 Well, lots of things-- 100 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:37,378 The stamp machine, The parcel post window 101 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,580 The outgoing airmail slot. 102 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,515 Yeah. They're hard to find. 103 00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:44,017 Well, I mean, When you're new in town... 104 00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:46,954 Oh, the poor little lost lamb. 105 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,822 Now, wait a minute, thelma lou. 106 00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:50,057 No, you wait a minute. 107 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,993 You oughta know You made a big fool of yourself. 108 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,663 Why? Because I happen To be courteous to a stranger 109 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,365 Strictly In the line of duty? 110 00:04:57,398 --> 00:05:00,401 And it was strictly in The line of duty, right, andy? 111 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:01,902 I'd rather stay Out of this. 112 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:04,672 What if I did offer my hand To help her out of the car? 113 00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,374 And what If she did hold on to it 114 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,008 All the way Through the post office? 115 00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,644 That's probably just a custom Where she comes from. 116 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:11,979 Barney, I'd change the subject. 117 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,547 I know your trouble, Thelma lou. 118 00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,416 You're suffering from The age-old problem 119 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,684 Of all females. 120 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:19,653 Jealousy, just plain Green-eyed jealousy. 121 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,589 Well! Barney fife, Either you and I 122 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:23,457 Are going together Or we are not. 123 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,058 Barney, I'd change the subject. 124 00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:26,894 Well, maybe We're going together 125 00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,096 But you don't own me-- Not yet, you don't. 126 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,898 I'm still a free man, You hear? 127 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,466 Of course, mr. Fife. 128 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,001 You're as free as a bird 129 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,036 And for that matter, so am I. 130 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:39,440 Now, if you don't mind, I believe I'll fly away. 131 00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,513 [ door slams ] 132 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:56,490 I believe it's now too late To change the subject. 133 00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:07,968 Won't talk to me. Won't answer the phone. 134 00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:10,671 Won't come to the door When I call. 135 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,140 So if that's the way she wants It, it's all right with me. 136 00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,543 Thelma lou got a mad On at you, has she? 137 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:16,944 Andy, what is it with women? 138 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,579 They got some kind of a rule 139 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,548 They can't be happy unless They're causing trouble? 140 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,483 Oh, I wouldn't worry About it, barney. 141 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:23,817 She'll simmer down. 142 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,819 And there'll be all The fun of making up 143 00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:28,456 And hugging and kissing And then another falling out 144 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,057 And more hugging And more kissing. 145 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,692 Look at it like this. 146 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,794 See, you're just practicing Up for married life. 147 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:36,063 Boy. If this is Practicing up for marriage, 148 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,131 I'm going to study up To be a hermit. 149 00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:40,133 I'm through with women, andy. I've had it. 150 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:41,735 Far as I'm concerned, 151 00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,737 You can take every blame Female in the whole world 152 00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,639 And put them On a slow boat to china. 153 00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,808 Hello. Deputy fife speaking. 154 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,777 Oh, hi, melissa. 155 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,648 Well, shucks, melissa. 156 00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:56,049 It was a pleasure. 157 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:59,453 Well, I thought You might like to come 158 00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:02,756 And have supper With daddy and me tonight. 159 00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:03,891 Supper? 160 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,727 Well, I don't know If I really ought to. 161 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,028 Uh... 162 00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,630 Why not? 163 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,532 I'd be delighted. 164 00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,066 Yeah. 165 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,435 7:00-ish it is. 166 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,507 That for you, thelma lou. 167 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,241 Well, she's Just gonna get 168 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,943 That much Madder at you. 169 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,211 Well, who cares? 170 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,679 I'm a free man. 171 00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:28,549 I might as well Play the field. 172 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:31,485 Tonight melissa, Tomorrow night juanita. 173 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:33,120 After that... 174 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,988 Who knows? 175 00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,192 [ laughing ] 176 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,664 Here's another One for you. 177 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,499 What is it That's yellow 178 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,569 Has four legs, flies, And weighs a thousand pounds? 179 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,738 I don't know. Do you, daddy? 180 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,806 I don't know. What is it? 181 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,509 Two 500-pound canaries. 182 00:07:57,244 --> 00:08:00,748 Oh, by golly, I like a good story. 183 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,184 Two 500-pound canaries. 184 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:11,759 Melissa: mr. Fife, 185 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:15,028 Don't tell me you also Have a knowledge of music? 186 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:16,163 Yes, ma'am. 187 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,865 I ain't ashamed to say 188 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,868 That us rugged lawmen Have our gentler moments. 189 00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,170 You know, It kinda eases the tension 190 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,739 After dealing With violence all day. 191 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,609 Might we have the pleasure Of hearing a selection? 192 00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,644 Well, shucks, I Don't see why not. 193 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,647 What numbers do you have in Your repertoire, mr. Fife? 194 00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:35,616 Are you kiddin'? You just name it. 195 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,818 "Kitten on the keys," "Roses of picardy," 196 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,953 "Funiculi, funicula," You just name it. 197 00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:43,957 Daddy, Isn't he a treasure? 198 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:55,869 Morning, andy. 199 00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:58,271 Hi. 200 00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:05,913 Well... 201 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:08,048 Got in late last night, Didn't ya? 202 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:09,349 Yeah. 203 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,686 [ yawns ] 204 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,955 [ chuckling ] 205 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:18,258 Yeah. I guess I didn't Hit the old sack 206 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,927 Till almost 10:30. 207 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,597 Boy, these late hours Are gonna kill me dead. 208 00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,699 You better stop it, too. 209 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:26,800 Stop what? 210 00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:29,803 You better stop messin' around Up at that girl's house 211 00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:33,140 And you better get over there And make up with thelma lou. 212 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,142 Well, maybe I ain't In any rush to. 213 00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:37,277 Maybe I kinda like Playing the field. 214 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:39,212 You going up there again? 215 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,648 Mm-hmm. 216 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:41,882 Yeah. 217 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,952 Tonight, As a matter of fact. 218 00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,820 All right. 219 00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:48,088 Suit yourself 220 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,824 But I think when You got a steady girl 221 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,726 You ought to Be true to her. 222 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:53,994 You know, andy 223 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,697 You're kinda cute In your old-fashioned way 224 00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:59,299 You know that? 225 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,168 No, I don't Suppose I'll stay 226 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,403 In the sheriffing Business all my life. 227 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,739 What do you really Wanna do, barney? 228 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:08,709 Oh, I might go into private Detective work one day-- 229 00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,678 You know, open up My own office. 230 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:13,146 Well, that'd cost A few dollars, wouldn't it? 231 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,649 Yeah, but I watch My money pretty close. 232 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:18,118 I got a pretty good Nest egg in the bank now. 233 00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:20,420 Well, why don't we go In the living room 234 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,389 Where we'll be More comfortable? 235 00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:24,725 Mmm. That's a good idea. 236 00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:27,427 I'll get Your chair, melissa. 237 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,762 Thank you. 238 00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:29,863 Mm-hmm. 239 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,232 Yeah. I suppose I'll always stay 240 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,434 In some sort Of lawman's work. 241 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,937 I've even thought Of the f.B.I. 242 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,205 But, uh... 243 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:41,441 I thought maybe I'd drop old j. Edgar a note 244 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:44,845 One of these days And sort of feel him out. 245 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:47,915 Well, I imagine you two Would like to be alone. 246 00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,751 Yeah. I'll just Read my paper. 247 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:04,732 Boy, he sure is A nice guy, your daddy. 248 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:10,170 Kind of... Kind of A young-looking fella. 249 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,072 Barney? 250 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,306 Huh? 251 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,776 You think I'm nice, too? 252 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:18,078 Well, uh, yeah. 253 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,446 Yeah. 254 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,018 Say... 255 00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,419 Listen, I sure hope 256 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:29,122 We didn't drive Your father out of here. 257 00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:30,323 No. 258 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,292 No, no. We didn't. 259 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,397 The light was Bothering my eyes. 260 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,933 Yeah. Well, they'll do that. 261 00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:42,269 It also makes The room warmer. 262 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,772 Yeah. They can do that, too. 263 00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:47,941 It's surprising How much heat can be thrown 264 00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:50,477 By a little 60-watt bulb Like that. 265 00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:53,947 Boy, they... They sure can Heat up the room. 266 00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,916 Barney? 267 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,217 Huh? 268 00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,219 Isn't this nice... 269 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,788 Yeah. 270 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,489 With the lights out? 271 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:03,957 Yeah. It... 272 00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:07,194 It seems to be A little bit cooler already. 273 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,528 Barney? 274 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,030 Hmm? 275 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,833 Wouldn't you like to stay Like this forever? 276 00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,167 Well... 277 00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:15,836 Well, wouldn't you? 278 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,537 Yeah. I guess. 279 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,007 Barney, do you mean it? 280 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,909 Daddy! Daddy, come quick! 281 00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,243 Wait'll you hear! 282 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,145 What? What? Hear what? 283 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,479 What is it? What happened? 284 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,015 Daddy, guess what? 285 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:30,017 Barney has just Proposed to me. 286 00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,151 He did? 287 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,252 He did. 288 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:33,320 I did? 289 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,855 Well, congratulations. 290 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,790 Oh, my boy! 291 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,266 Andy... 292 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:47,567 What is it? 293 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,269 Did you see This item 294 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,538 In the mayberry Merry-go-round? 295 00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,506 "What local Deputy and what 296 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,909 "Recently-arrived Southern belle 297 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,211 "Are passed the Hand-holding stage 298 00:12:58,245 --> 00:13:00,180 And ready to Set the date?" 299 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:02,249 Let me see. 300 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,483 What does that mean, paw? 301 00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:04,584 What does what mean? 302 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,186 "Passed the hand-holding stage 303 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,554 And ready to set the date"? 304 00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,857 They're ready to set the date For the wedding. 305 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:12,359 But I thought barney Had a girl-- thelma lou. 306 00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,227 He does. This Is somebody else. 307 00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:16,296 What does he need Two of them for? 308 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:17,464 He doesn't. 309 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:19,399 You'd better get Going to school. 310 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:21,034 But if he's got One girl 311 00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:22,569 Why does he need Another one? 312 00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,104 Andy! Andy! 313 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,505 Did you see this? 314 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,274 Barney, if you Got one girl 315 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:28,976 Why do you need Another one? 316 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,243 Come along, opie. 317 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,245 But if he's Got one girl...? 318 00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,114 What am I going To do about this? 319 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,582 I knew she Was sweet on me 320 00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,851 But I never dreamed It'd go this far. 321 00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:39,286 Melissa had that Put in there. 322 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,954 She claims I proposed to her. 323 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:42,189 Did you? 324 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:43,390 Of course not. 325 00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,092 I was just sitting On the sofa 326 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,360 And all of a sudden she Turned off the lights 327 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,997 To cool off the room, And, boom, I'm engaged! 328 00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:52,265 My gosh, andy, What am I going to do? 329 00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,134 What do you Want to do? 330 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,069 I want to get out of this. 331 00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,637 And you got to help me. 332 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,539 You're my friend, my buddy. 333 00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:05,012 After I go in 334 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,114 And talk to thelma lou For a little bit 335 00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,182 You come up and wait Outside the door 336 00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,151 And when I think The time's right 337 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,453 For you to come in, I'll signal To you by sneezing twice. 338 00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,122 You got that? 339 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,656 Yeah. Sneeze twice. 340 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,325 Stay with me, Will you? 341 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:19,960 I will. 342 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,304 Why, andy. 343 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:32,940 Afternoon, Thelma lou. 344 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,274 May I come in? 345 00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:35,508 Sure. 346 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,945 Okay. 347 00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:52,025 Just what was it you came To see me about, andy? 348 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,660 Was it personal Or business? 349 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,395 Oh, business, business. 350 00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,230 Of course, business. What else? 351 00:14:57,264 --> 00:15:00,700 I just thought maybe you came To talk about a certain person 352 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,502 I'd rather not discuss. 353 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,437 If that should be the case... 354 00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,405 Oh, no. No. 355 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:08,942 No. I'm here on official Business, like I said. 356 00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:12,712 What I'm actually doing-- I'm making a door-to-door survey 357 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,282 Regarding Founder's day celebration. 358 00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:18,551 See, we want to get Everybody's thoughts on it. 359 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,087 Yes? 360 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,521 You got any thoughts on it? 361 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,456 It's founder's day. 362 00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:25,959 I suppose We might as well celebrate it. 363 00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:28,061 That's a good thought. 364 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,463 And-and-and about the parade-- 365 00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:33,700 Now, I think this year We ought to go all out 366 00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:37,470 You know, and have The drum and fife core and... 367 00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:39,106 Oh, I said "Fife." 368 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,673 That's the very person 369 00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,475 You didn't want To discuss. 370 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:43,710 You are so right. 371 00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,079 But since we opened up The subject 372 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:48,982 We might as well go ahead And discuss it, right? 373 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,317 Wrong. 374 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,652 Now, the situation Between you and barney... 375 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:55,255 Sheriff, I do not care To discuss barney fife. 376 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,490 If that was your purpose In coming over here 377 00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,993 You can leave Right now! 378 00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:02,495 Well, speak of the Devil -- hi, barn? 379 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,497 You didn't Sneeze twice, andy. 380 00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:06,633 Is the time ripe? 381 00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,368 I guess not. 382 00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:14,207 Thelma lou, All barney wants 383 00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:15,675 Is to beg Your forgiveness. 384 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,244 Ain't that Right, barn? 385 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,512 I want to beg your Forgiveness, thelma lou. 386 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,248 The poor fella's Only crime 387 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,649 Was loving you Too much. 388 00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,351 I love you too much, Too much. 389 00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,419 When his heart become Filled with bitterness 390 00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:27,720 At the thought Of losing you 391 00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,056 He turned to another. 392 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,124 Turned to another, Turned right to another. 393 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,692 He was a victim Of circumstance 394 00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,261 Not of his own making 395 00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,029 A pawn in the hands Of a wily woman. 396 00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,564 Oh, she was wily, Thelma lou. 397 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,399 She said the room's Too warm... 398 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,034 So he's come back to you 399 00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,802 A sadder but Wiser barney fife. 400 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,671 That's me In a nutshell. 401 00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,274 What do you say, Thelma lou? 402 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:49,742 Thelma lou? 403 00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,811 You really want me To forgive you? 404 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,646 Oh, I sure do. 405 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,149 You want us to go back The way we were? 406 00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,551 Oh, golly, thelma lou, More than anything. 407 00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:00,820 Will that be all right With your fiance? 408 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,422 Uh, h-her? 409 00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:03,790 Now, listen, thelma lou. 410 00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,458 Don't you worry About her. 411 00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,127 I'm going right Over there now 412 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,162 And tell her it's All off between her and me. 413 00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,698 I ain't never going To see or speak to her again 414 00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,300 Or to any woman again. 415 00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,567 Barney, I don't care 416 00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:16,403 How many women You see or speak to. 417 00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:18,471 I just don't want you to act Like a silly schoolboy 418 00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:20,373 Every time a girl Smiles at you. 419 00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,142 All right. Never. 420 00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,177 From now on, Levelheaded barney fife. 421 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,445 That's me. 422 00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:28,081 Okay? 423 00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,782 Okay. 424 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,321 Well, give him A little sugar. 425 00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,692 Aw, that's nice. 426 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,662 Little sugar on the jaw. 427 00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,597 Make up. 428 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:48,168 Don't you have someplace You want to go? 429 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,137 Oh, um... 430 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,156 I guess it's done, huh? 431 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,390 Yeah. 432 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,825 All over between you And melissa. 433 00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:13,893 Yeah... 434 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,262 [ chuckling ] 435 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,264 How'd you do it? 436 00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:19,232 How? 437 00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:22,269 The only way these things Can be done, andy. 438 00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,804 Fast. Clean. 439 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:27,207 She took it bad, I guess, huh? 440 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,843 Oh, yeah, she was upset, All right. 441 00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,479 But it's her own fault. 442 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,114 Who told her to fall In love with me? 443 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,486 Anyway, I had to give it To her straight. 444 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:40,920 That was considerate. 445 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,422 Sure was close though. 446 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,723 [ phone ringing ] 447 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,592 It sure was. 448 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,859 Hello? 449 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,895 Sheriff taylor speaking. 450 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,897 Oh, hello, mr. Stevens. 451 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,767 Well, uh, is There something 452 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,936 I can do for you? 453 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,806 You don't say. 454 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,508 Well, is That right? 455 00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,809 Well... Really? 456 00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,477 Well, I can Understand 457 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,213 Your position, Mr. Stevens. 458 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,581 What? What, what, what? 459 00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,450 But... But I don't think 460 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,720 You have to start A breach of promise suit. 461 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,722 Breach of promise?! 462 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,191 Well, I tell you What, mr. Stevens-- 463 00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:20,760 You-you-you and your daughter Be in my office 464 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,595 First thing In the morning 465 00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,664 And we'll see if We can't settle this. 466 00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:26,366 Right. Right. 467 00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,634 Bye. 468 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,269 A breach of promise suit?! 469 00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:30,737 They're suing me? For what?! 470 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:31,804 Now, barney... 471 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,673 But I didn't Promise her anything. 472 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:34,807 I was railroaded. 473 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:38,411 I guess that's the price you pay For playing the field. 474 00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,483 Oh, daddy, Isn't this awful? 475 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,718 Control yourself. Oh, there, there. 476 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,254 You see, sheriff? 477 00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,289 I mean, I demand Satisfaction. 478 00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:51,391 Now, I can't blame you, Mr. Stevens 479 00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:55,262 But are you sure you want to go To all the trouble of a lawsuit? 480 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,963 Well, I... 481 00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,832 Imagine we could settle This thing out of court. 482 00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,634 Oh... 483 00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:02,802 Easy, honey. 484 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,437 Uh... Well, uh... 485 00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:07,440 How much... How much Would it take, would you say? 486 00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:10,009 Well, she's been hurt Real bad, sheriff. 487 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:13,380 See, what she really wanted Was to marry this man. 488 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,315 But I suppose 489 00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:17,617 That a cash settlement Would help matters along. 490 00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:18,818 Oh... 491 00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:20,320 Uh-huh. 492 00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:21,721 [ door opens ] 493 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,523 Stevens: There he is! 494 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,725 [ melissa wailing ] 495 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,530 Let's get on With it, sheriff. 496 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,465 What are you going To do about this? 497 00:20:32,499 --> 00:20:35,868 We're gonna try to settle this To everybody's satisfaction 498 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,837 And avoid A breach of promise suit. 499 00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,272 Now, barney 500 00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:41,474 You stand, you stand Right over there. 501 00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:42,742 And, mr. Stevens 502 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,611 Would you mind Backing up 503 00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:46,546 Just a least Little step there? 504 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,481 Got to be in The right position 505 00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,483 For a settlement. 506 00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:52,485 Now, there we are. 507 00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:53,886 "Dearly beloved 508 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,689 "We are gathered together In the face of this company 509 00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:59,592 To join together this man And woman in matrimony..." 510 00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,761 That sounds like The marriage ceremony. 511 00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:03,029 That's right. 512 00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:05,565 We'll sign the license Once we get through. 513 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,300 "Dearly beloved..." 514 00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:09,536 Sheriff, what is this A joke or something? 515 00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:10,970 Well, of course not. 516 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,740 We agreed to try to avoid A breach of promise suit 517 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,442 And if melissa marries barney 518 00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,577 Why, the promise You claimed he breached 519 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,078 Won't be breached after all. 520 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,547 Ain't that right? 521 00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:21,748 "Dearly beloved..." 522 00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,316 Just a minute, Sheriff. 523 00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:24,884 Look, are you out Of your mind?! 524 00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,786 Stay out of this. Stay out of this? 525 00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,321 Shut up. Shut up? 526 00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:29,722 You think I'm gonna Marry that squirt. 527 00:21:29,756 --> 00:21:30,957 Squirt?! 528 00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:32,725 Now, wait just a minute. 529 00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:35,862 Now, I don't appreciate You calling my deputy a squirt. 530 00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:38,565 And that's pretty fresh Talk you're using 531 00:21:38,598 --> 00:21:40,333 To your daddy There, too. 532 00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:43,570 Or could it be That he's not your daddy? 533 00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:46,339 And could it be That you can't marry barney 534 00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:49,709 'cause you're already married... Maybe to one another? 535 00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:52,445 Is that barely Possible? 536 00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:57,417 Look, sheriff... 537 00:21:57,450 --> 00:21:59,852 Forget it, Gladys. 538 00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:03,490 You know what you all Tried to do is against the law. 539 00:22:03,523 --> 00:22:05,758 I have a mind to lock you up 540 00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:08,995 But since you didn't succeed, I reckon you can leave. 541 00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:16,636 And I mean mayberry. 542 00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:33,520 Andy, you just Saved my life. 543 00:22:33,553 --> 00:22:34,754 Well... 544 00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:36,389 But what I can't Figure is 545 00:22:36,423 --> 00:22:37,890 How'd you know About them? 546 00:22:37,924 --> 00:22:38,825 I didn't. 547 00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:41,160 Well, how could you Take a chance like that? 548 00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:43,029 How'd you know She wouldn't marry me? 549 00:22:43,062 --> 00:22:45,632 Well, couple things Kind of give 'em away. 550 00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:46,899 Like what? 551 00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:48,901 One thing: he seemed Awful anxious 552 00:22:48,935 --> 00:22:50,637 To make A settlement. 553 00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:53,906 And then, too, she didn't Look too unhappy. 554 00:22:53,940 --> 00:22:56,909 Didn't look like to me She had cried nary a drop. 555 00:22:56,943 --> 00:22:58,711 Oh. 556 00:22:58,745 --> 00:23:00,813 But that wasn't Really the thing 557 00:23:00,847 --> 00:23:02,081 That clinched it. 558 00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:03,916 No? Well, what did? 559 00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:06,419 Well, I just got To studying 560 00:23:06,453 --> 00:23:08,655 Why would a girl That looked as pretty 561 00:23:08,688 --> 00:23:11,824 And flashy, and big-city As she did-- 562 00:23:11,858 --> 00:23:13,793 Why would A girl like that 563 00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:16,062 Want to get involved... 564 00:23:16,095 --> 00:23:17,897 With a squirt? 565 00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:19,532 Squirt?! 566 00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:21,568 Where do you come off Calling me a squirt?! 567 00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:30,910 Barney? Thelma lou? 568 00:23:30,943 --> 00:23:33,045 Is anybody here? 569 00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:36,516 Oh, come on in, andy. I'll get you a cup of coffee. 570 00:23:39,552 --> 00:23:41,621 Barney? 571 00:23:41,654 --> 00:23:43,022 Where are you? 572 00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:45,692 Over here on the sofa. 573 00:23:45,725 --> 00:23:47,527 It's awful dark in here. 574 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:48,895 Not too bad. 575 00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:51,063 I'm gonna turn on a light. 576 00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:58,805 Uh... 577 00:23:58,838 --> 00:24:00,740 How's it going, barn? 578 00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:03,643 Fine, fine. 579 00:24:03,676 --> 00:24:06,546 Hope you don't mind Me dropping by. 580 00:24:06,579 --> 00:24:09,549 No, as a matter of fact, We were just talking about you, 581 00:24:09,582 --> 00:24:11,518 And we were hoping You'd drop by. 582 00:24:11,551 --> 00:24:14,887 You and thelma lou get Things patched up, did you? 583 00:24:14,921 --> 00:24:17,490 Mm-hmm. Yes, we've been talking, 584 00:24:17,524 --> 00:24:20,660 And I think, in time, Things will work out. 585 00:24:20,693 --> 00:24:22,762 [ chuckling ] 586 00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:24,631 What's so funny? 587 00:24:24,664 --> 00:24:25,998 Didn't you ever see a man 588 00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:28,034 Drinking a cup Of coffee before. 589 00:24:30,637 --> 00:24:32,505 Smart aleck.